"Pressure makes diamonds?"
The past two weeks have been great! I've been able to reunite/reconnect with family who have embraced me and shown me the love I know I've been missing. I've explored and found inspiration from people and places, and understand that this move was Gods will for my life. I've been "Trusting the Journey" allowing myself to be open to the path placed before me.
With my parents officially leaving me (I know I'm such a baby lol) and vacation being very much over, I have found myself adapting even more to the joys of solitude. There are times however, when I become a slave to my thoughts, lashed by doubt, fears, and anxieties that I know are designed to derail me from my preordained path. I have learned over the years how to combat these thoughts, and so, I don't allow myself to reside in that place for very long.
As I come up for air I find myself experiencing something different, something I usually try not to entertain, this thing called Pressure!
It can be compared to a very amateur boxing match. Unaware of the strength of my opponent I boldly enter the ring of questions, each one sent in love and support but nonetheless a feeding ground to my anxieties..
"What are your plans?" *left hook*"When's the meeting?" *right hook* When will you start?" *jab*"Have you got anything lined up?" *lights out*... The rounds have been ongoing and I must say I've put up a good fight, but tonight on Tuesday March 14th 9:41pm in a flood of tears I can say that I have officially lost the match. Pressure Won!
You see, I don't know the answers! My life has changed! It's only been 3 weeks and I feel like I'm supposed to have it all together. People want the answers to questions only God Himself knows. With each level of this journey, comes a new level of trust in His path for my life. He is leading me, and as overwhelming as it is for me I vow to let Him guide me. It's not easy, and trying to create the answers to the questions is honestly draining.
I pride myself on being open and honest and the truth is that I just need a minute, or a few weeks to adjust, catch myself, embrace the change in environment and the changes that come with stepping out on faith.
So I run, to the secret place of refuge, trusting the Lord Almighty to shelter me from the questions and the weight of needing the answers.
He restores my mind,body, and soul! He wraps me in His arms and covers me in the peace only He can bring. I'm thankful that I know Him, this journey would be impossible otherwise.
Pressure makes diamonds? Nah, Pressure makes nothing when you serve the diamond maker.
I'm not procrastinating, slacking, or running. I'm adjusting, seeking, praying and trusting. It takes time, that's the purpose of the Journey. I desire a peace that only the peace maker can bring. I believe that God is grooming our relationship, so when my career takes off (Claiming it!) I will be able to look to Him for all my cares and needs.
Thank you for supporting me in my journey, for loving me and caring. I know the pressure isn't intended and all the questions are with love, but I just need a minute to adjust.
Pressure you have won for the last time!
P.S I miss my mom.
The name of the Lord is a mighty strong tower, the righteous run in and they are SAFE! -Proverbs 18:10